Movie: Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? (spoilers)

This week's Netflix offering was "What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?"

Hmm. What to say about this one. Oh, I know:

Robert Aldrich: undisputed master of the Idiot Movie.

He was also responsible for Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte (made two years after Baby Jane), and there are a lot of similarities between the two movies. Bette Davis is already shrieking out lines and wearing clothes much too young for her, and once again the audience is not supposed to suspend their disbelief so much as they are supposed to suspend all cognitive functioning whatsoever.

Before the opening credits, I'm supposed to believe that the most sought-after actress in Hollywood (little self-insertion fantasy fulfillment there, Ms. Crawford?) has neither a chauffeur, nor an electric gate to her estate, nor a security guard.

Afterward, I'm supposed to believe that an insanely wealthy woman who is now crippled has not had a lift installed in her house after 27 years of being in a wheelchair, nor is her bedroom on the ground floor. Also, she has decided to live as a hermit, despite really having no apparent inclination to do so and actually rather liking company.

When Blanche finally accepts that her sister is dangerously off in Skoodly-Woodly Land, it never occurs to her to sit her butt down on the steps and scoot down in order to reach the phone, maybe at night when Jane is sleeping. Nah. Eventually she reaches a point desperate enough to do some elaborate gymnastics to climb down the railing. Now at this point she is 98% certain that Jane is going to kill her. She hasn't eaten in several days except for some chocolates she found in Jane's drawer -- along with Jane's "signature forgery 101" practice book. So, does she call the police? No, she calls a doctor she's been consulting with.

This doctor knows Jane is off in Skoodly-Woodly Land, because that's why he was called in to begin with. He has been trying to talk Blanche into having Jane committed -- which implies that he realizes Jane is a danger to herself or others. He also knows that Blanche is wheelchair bond. So when he gets a panic-stricken call from Blanche begging for help with Jane, is he at all concerned?
Not a bit. Not a skosh. Sure Jane's dangerously insane and completely out of touch of reality, but that's nothing to worry about, right? "Has she turned dangerous? Oh, she has? Darn. Well, I guess I can maybe mosey out there-- Are you sure you need a housecall for this?"

The cincher, though, the absolutely over-the-top Oh My God The Stupid It Burns has got to be the ending. It takes place on a crowded beach. There are at least 50 extras in this scene -- including two cops. Jane kidnapping her sister after getting caught at having Blanche thisclose to death is all over the plot-point channels on the radio and TV. And yet NO ONE notices the 50 year old woman dressed like a 10-year-old from 1917, or the other 50-year-old woman dressed completely from head-to-toe in black lying on the beach dying. On top of that, the cops completely failed to notice the 20-year-old car that exactly matches the description in the APB and is blocking the main road to this beach.

Head, meet desk.

So in summary, same opinion as Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte: Don't do it, man!
In fact, never watch anything directed by Robert Aldrich, ever.